


It's Not Stalking if We're Related

by seekingtomorrow



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-26
Updated: 2013-04-26
Packaged: 2017-12-09 13:13:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/774606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekingtomorrow/pseuds/seekingtomorrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the sequel to “I’ll Make a Man Out of You,” Theon makes good on his promise to Jon and accompanies him on a stake-out of Arya’s date with Gendry.  Various hijinks insue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not Stalking if We're Related

**Author's Note:**

> It's recommended, but not necessary that you read "I'll Make a Man Out of You" before reading this. They're fairly independent stories, but it might make a little more sense.

Theon gaped at Jon. "We have to follow them around in that?"

Jon looked at the vehicle and back at Theon. "I don't see what the big deal is."

Theon gaped at Jon. "Are you joking me? We're going to follow your sister—your sister who is, by the way, a fencer—in a white van that has weirwoods spray-painted all over it?"

"Don't be mean," Jon said. "It was nice of Robb to lend us his van."

"Niceness and intelligence don't always go hand in hand."

"Must suck to have neither."

"Shut up!" Theon said angrily. "I am not setting one foot in that car."

"Don't be such a wimp," said Jon. He held out Theon's Man-Journal in front of him, swinging back and forth as if he was a hypnotist. "Let's not forget who holds all the cards here."

"You are an evil person, Jon Stark." Conceded Theon. "I am slightly in awe of you, but my awe is mostly clouded by disgust."

"Oh shut up," said Jon, waving away Theon. "Let's go. Arya already left half an hour ago."

"How do you know where they went?" Theon asked, genuinely curious.

"I asked Sansa."

"And why would Sansa tell you?"

Jon shrugged, an innocent look in his eyes. "Let's just say that I gave her some wise advice and she owed me."

Theon shook his head slowly. "What's with you Starks and blackmail?" He asked himself.

"Hurry up!" Jon stomped his foot indignantly. "If we arrive too late, we're going to look suspicious."

"I don't quite understand how we can avoid looking suspicious in a van like that," Theon grumbled underneath his breath as he begrudgingly followed Jon into the car. He wrinkled his noise at the mess of shabbily-made pamphlets and half empty bottles of supposed "holy water" that littered the bottom of the van. "It smells like feet in here."

Jon nodded, holding the collar of his black polo shirt up to his nose. "I don't think Robb has actually cleaned this since he bought it."

"That's disgusting. Can we take your dad's car instead?"

"No! Arya will recognize it."

Theon raised a brow. "And she won't recognize this?"

"Well, she—whatever, Theon! Let's just go."

* * *

"They're sitting so close together!"

Theon sighed deeply, watching Jon as he frantically adjusted a pair of binoculars he'd "borrowed" from Bran.

"Relax," said Theon. "They're dating. They're allowed to sit close together."

Arya and Gendry were sitting beneath the maroon awning of a cosy restaurant located in the heart of a rather central shopping district. The couple—who Theon had to admit looked good together—seemed to be having a good time, laughing and chatting animatedly with one another.

"Theon," said Jon, sounding worried.

"What?" Theon said. He idly wished he had the binoculars so he could scope out the area. Oftentimes, Margaery Tyrell and her group of attractive friends would frequent the location.

"Do you think she sees us?"

Theon rolled his eyes. "Do you think she's been noticing a white creeper van with tinted windows following her?"

"Is that sarcasm?"

"Seven hells," Theon swore, "if you weren't such a chick magnet, we would not be friends."

" _They're drinking from the same straw!"_ Shrieked Jon, brushing off Theon's insult just like he always did.

"Oh no," said Theon, deadpan. "Arya's going to get mono."

"WHAT?"

"I was joking."

"This is not the time to be joking," scolded Jon. Reaching behind him, he pulled out a large scroll of butcher paper which he unravelled and—with some difficulty—placed it on the dashboard.

"What is this?"

"This," said Jon, with the expression of a man who hadn't slept for several days, "is our master plan."

"What is our 'master plan' and why do I feel the need to be extremely worried?"

"First," said Jon, ignoring Theon, "You are going to hide behind the café and when a waiter comes out to dump out the trash, I want you to knock them unconscious."

"I'm not doing that!"

"Next, you're going to steal their uniform and dump the body into the dumpster."

"I thought you said I was going to knock them out, not kill them!"

"Theon," said Jon sadly. "You'll never move up in the world without a few unfortunate deaths."

"Who in the seven hells are you and what have you done with Jon Snow?" Theon whispered to himself. "It's all your entire fault," he hissed in the direction of Arya.

"Theon!" Jon said. "Pay attention. Once you dispose of the body, you're going to dress up as the waiter."

"Let me guess," interjected Theon. "You want me to 'keep an eye' on Arya and Gendry by pretending to be their waiter."

"Yes," said Jon hesitantly, "and no. I haven't finished explaining my plan." Smoothing out the paper against the sticky dashboard, he continued. "Next, you're going to wait until Gendry goes to the washroom—"

"And what if he doesn't?"

"Then, you'll have to pretend that he has a phone call to take inside the restaurant."

Theon shivered. "I don't like where this is going."

"Once he starts following you, take him out into the alley and knock him out."

"I'm not going to knock your sister's boyfriend unconscious!" Said Theon angrily. "Have you seen the size of him?"

"I'm well aware of your physical abilities," said Jon, sizing up Theon doubtfully, "as well as your limitations _._ That's why I brought a Taser."

Theon quickly unbuckled his seatbelt and threw himself into the back row. "You are actually insane. I am not doing that."

"Fine," conceded Jon. "I'll do it."

Theon quickly scrambled to the window, trying to think of a way to prevent Jon from committing a crime he would most definitely regret. Finally, he found his salvation. "Jon! They've left!"

"WHAT?"

"They're going right now! Walking to their car!" Theon glanced nervously behind them where Gendry's car was parked. "I told you it was a bad idea to park so close to them!"

"It was in case this plan didn't work!" Jon retorted, starting the engine. "You always need a Plan B!"

"And what was your plan B?"

"Stealing the car!" Jon said. He exhaled, relieved, as the car started up and he peeled away from the spot, going far over the speed limit.

"You are so insane," murmured Theon, gripping the sidebars on the door and hanging on for dear life.

* * *

"You owe me for this."

"No, I don't," said Jon. "If you didn't come, I would have made photocopies of your diary and spread it all over the neighbourhood."

"I'm willingly going to the theatre with you," reasoned Theon. "You still owe me. Why are we even here? It's not like they can actually do anything in the movie theatre."

"You'd be surprised," scoffed Jon, earning a rather disgusted look from Theon. "Now, shut up. The movie's starting."

The lights in the theatre dimmed, prompting the small lights alongside the stairs to turn on. Theon settled into the comfy red seats and dug his hands into his gigantic tub of popcorn, thankful that Jon had at least paid for his food. Then, he grimaced, remembering the knowing looks of the girls over the counter who'd probably thought they were on a date or something.

Jon muttered something evil-sounding underneath his breath.

"I thought you said to shut up," said Theon. "Isn't the movie starting?"

Jon looked at Theon, a strange doll in his hand.

"Is that a voodoo doll?" Asked Theon, vaguely horrified. "Of _Gendry_?"

"What?" Said Jon, his voice sounding startled. He quickly hid the doll behind his back. "No, it's not."

"You weirdo," breathed Theon. "You actually think voodoo is going to work?"

A few rows ahead of them, Arya leaned on Gendry, prompting the boy to put an arm around her.

"Theon," said Jon, pointedly ignoring the fact that he did, in fact, have a voodoo doll of Gendry, "they're getting close again. Do you think they'll notice if I throw popcorn at him every time he tries something?"

"Will you be offended if I just ignore all of your crazy suggestions and tried to enjoy the movie?"

"Hey, Gendry's allergic to hazelnuts, right? So if I sneak some into his popcorn—!"

"Jon, I am not going to jail for attempted murder." Theon sank into his seat, and dug his hands into his bucket of popcorn. Thank the Drowned God for popcorn otherwise Jon would probably be a dead man.

"Jail? Can I report Gendry for pedophilia?"

"Oh seven hells, just forget about it."

* * *

"Maybe we could lure Gendry away?"

"And how would you propose we do that?" Theon asked. Currently, both he and Jon were occupying a table at the same café that Arya and Gendry had decided to go to after the movie. Luckily, Jon had chosen a table that was slightly concealed by several potted plants.

"If you dressed in drag—"

"No, Jon," said Theon firmly. "I am not doing that."

Jon pulled out Bran's bird-watching binoculars again, despite the fact that Arya and Gendry were only a few tables away. Theon watched as the couple shared a bowl of ice cream, looking happy and completely unaware of the creepy, crow-like figure observing them through binoculars.

"Are they sharing a spoon?"

"Who knows?" Theon stirred his cola with the straw, leaning his elbows on the glass-topped table. "Maybe they are."

Jon turned to face him. "Can you be a little more serious about this?" He said angrily.

"Maybe I could," said Theon, "if this wasn't so completely ridiculous."

"Being protective of my younger sister is not ridiculous!"

"This isn't being protective," countered Theon, "this is _smothering_. You're acting like Robb whenever someone shows interest in his creepy new religion."

"I am not!" Jon said. Theon had clearly hit a nerve.

"I can't believe I actually said through all of your insane plans! Between you and Robb, I swear you have like, three brain cells or something."

"Says the person who failed grade six math!" Jon argued.

"At least I was spending my time studying instead of going to poetry slams."

Jon immediately lunged. Fortunately, he had forgotten the fact that there was a table between him and Theon, and he only succeeded in winding himself.

"You can't even punch right!" Theon mocked.

Reaching for his water, Jon tossed its contents in Theon's face. In retaliation, Theon chucked the napkin holder at Jon, who ducked right in time.

By this point, the boys' fight had attracted the attention of the other café patrons, some of whom had gotten their phones out in the hopes that fists would start flying.

"Jon? Theon?" A familiar and angry voice called out. "What the hell are you guys doing here?"

"Busted," whispered Gendry from behind Arya.

"Hey Arya!" Jon said cheerily. "What a coincidence! I didn't know you and…Gendry," his eyes narrowed and he visibly gulped, "were here! Wow, what a coincidence!"

"You are a horrid liar," said Arya. "Sansa already warned me this might happen."

"Sansa?" Jon perked up. "That _traitor._ "

"I can't believe you!" Arya yelled. "You're supposed to be my brother!"

"I am your brother!"

"All of a sudden, I'm really glad I'm not," Theon muttered, drying off his sleeves with some discarded napkins.

"You're supposed to support me!"

"I am supporting you! I'm just not supporting him!" Jon pointed at Gendry, who looked slightly confused.

"Argh, I hate you!" Arya said, fists clenched by her sides. "Come on, Gendry. Let's go." Grabbing him by the arm, she stormed off.

Jon looked like he was going to cry.

"Excuse me, sirs?" A cashier asked them. "You're scaring the other customers. If it isn't too much trouble, can I get the two of you to please leave?"

* * *

"Well, that didn't work!"

"Shut up, Theon." Jon was curled into a ball on his bed.

Theon sighed, placing his feet on the desk and his hands behind his head. "Now you know that you shouldn't spy on your sisters. Or anyone else for that matter."

"Shut up, Theon."

"Oh and about my journal…"

"You completed your end of the bargain." Jon reached under his bed and pulled out the diary, which he tossed to Theon. "There, it's yours."

Theon stood up. "Alright, thanks buddy!" Straightening himself, he strode out of the room. "Don't stew in there for too long. You need some vitamin D!"

"Shut up, Theon."

* * *

"Jon?" Arya stood awkwardly at the door, fist poised as if to knock. "Can I come in?"

Jon gave a response, but it was muffled by the blanket covering his entire body.

"Hey Jon," Arya said, sitting by the foot of his bed. "Sorry about blowing up at you today. Believe it or not, it does make me glad that you're looking out for me. It's just that…I'm not a little girl anymore, you know? Gendry's not a bad guy and I can take care of myself."

Jon rolled over to face her. Arya winced at his bedraggled appearance and the random stubble that had appeared on his face despite the fact that he'd only been brewing in here for a few hours. "I shouldn't have spied."

"No," Arya agreed, "you shouldn't have. I want you to respect my privacy."

"Okay," said Jon, defeated.

Arya hugged him. "I love you a lot, big brother, but you can be really annoying sometimes. Try not to be annoying all the time, okay?"

"Okay," said Jon, hugging her back.

"Thanks, Jon." Arya stood up and began to walk out of his room, but suddenly stopped by the door. "Oh, and if I ever catch you spying on me and Gendry again, I'll run you through with Needle and make it look like an accident."


End file.
